I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
