And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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