i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
