You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
