ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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