I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
