I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
high people should be assigned attendants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
