I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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