Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
