So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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