So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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