I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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