I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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