Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
