Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
