Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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