jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
