Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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