worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
