So drunk its hurt
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
