i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
