This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
