If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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