he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
