dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
