wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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