Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
