hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
