and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
