Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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