clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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