oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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