she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
