She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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