she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
