I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
