Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
