Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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