Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Randomize
