i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
