then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
