If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
