Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
