Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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