So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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