Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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