Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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