Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
