Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
