The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
