I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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