Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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