as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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