You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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