Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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