You're my little dorito
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
