Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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