I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
