Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize