HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
