Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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