peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
