Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
