How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
