Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She said her name was "party"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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