Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
